Senior roommates: how to share a home with someone your own age

Roommate or homeshare?

They get mixed up, but they're different arrangements. With a roommate, you're equals. You both pay, and nobody owes the other any help around the house. A homeshare is a swap: someone gets a room for low or no rent in return for an agreed amount of help, like shopping or cooking. If that sounds closer to what you need, see our guide to homesharing.

Why it suits a lot of LGBTQ+ people over 50

Saving money matters, of course. But for many of us, the bigger draw is company. In AARP's 2024 survey of 2,212 LGBTQ+ adults aged 45 and over, 48% said they often or sometimes feel isolated from others, and 78% were concerned about having enough support from family and friends as they get older.

Sharing with another LGBTQ+ person also takes away a quieter worry. You don't have to think twice about the photos on the fridge, or wonder how a new roommate will react when your partner stays over.

Can you look for an LGBTQ+ roommate specifically?

It depends on where you live, and on whether you're choosing someone to share your own home or renting out a separate place. In 2012 a federal appeals court, the Ninth Circuit, ruled in Fair Housing Council v. Roommate.com that the Fair Housing Act doesn't apply to choosing a roommate for a shared living space. That decision binds courts only in the states the Ninth Circuit covers, which include California, and state and city laws can set rules of their own. So before you advertise for an LGBTQ+ roommate, check your local fair housing rules or ask a lawyer. This isn't legal advice.

Splitting the money fairly

Equal isn't always fair. If one bedroom has its own bathroom, or one of you works from home and heats the place all day, split the rent and bills to match. Agree the numbers in writing before the move.

A few things to settle early:

Whose name is on the lease or the deed. If you rent, check your lease and local rules before anyone moves in, because your landlord may need to agree first. If you own, ask about your state's tenant rules first, because someone paying you rent may have a tenant's rights.

How shared costs are paid. One shared account for bills, or one person pays and the other pays them back each month.

Food. Shared groceries suit some people. Others keep separate shelves and cook together on Sundays.

The deposit, if you take one, and when it comes back.

If you get Supplemental Security Income (SSI), moving in with someone can change your payment. The National Council on Aging explains that it usually doesn't count against you when you live with other people and pay your share of the household costs. But the exact treatment depends on how your home and costs are set up, so ask Social Security about your own situation before you move.

Questions to ask before you say yes

Meet more than once, and at least once in the home you'd share. These are the questions that tend to matter later:

What does a normal day look like for you, from when you get up to when you go to bed?

How often do you have friends or a partner over, and how often might they stay the night?

Pets, smoking, alcohol, music and TV volume: anything that's a no for you?

How do you like the kitchen and bathroom left?

How out are you, and with whom? Are you comfortable with me being out at home?

If one of us gets ill, what would we be happy to do for each other, and what wouldn't we?

If it isn't working, how much notice would each of us give?

None of these has a right answer. You're looking for someone whose answers sit close enough to yours.

Write a house agreement

Put what you've agreed on paper, even if you've been friends for years. Cover the money, the chores, guests, quiet hours, how you'll raise a problem, and the notice period if one of you wants to move out. Agree a trial period too, say three months, with a check-in at the end. It's much easier to talk about things then than after six months of quiet resentment over the dishwasher.

Before any money changes hands

Check each other's ID, and ask for references, such as a past landlord or a previous roommate.

Agree how rent and bills will be recorded. Bank transfers leave a trail that cash doesn't, and a shared note of who paid what saves arguments later.

Don't hand over a deposit or the first month's rent until the terms are written down and you know you'll get a receipt.

Where to find a senior roommate

On Among Our People you can see who's looking for a home to share, or post what you're looking for so the right person can find you. Some members verify their ID, which means matching a photo ID to a live selfie. That isn't a background check, so meet in a public place first and trust your instincts.

There are also nonprofit home sharing programs in many US states that interview and match people. The National Shared Housing Resource Center keeps a directory of them by state at nationalsharedhousing.org. Most aren't LGBTQ+-specific, so ask how they'd handle your request.